Resource A few good ski jokes

Discussion in 'Snow Talk' started by DPS Driver, Oct 12, 2018 at 11:17 AM.

  1. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    7) How many telemark skiers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to turn the bulb while the other says “nice turns bra!”

    6) Three snowboarders are riding in the back of a car. Who is driving?

    The police.

    5) What’s the difference between a cactus and a ski school jacket?

    With the cactus… the prick is on the outside.

    4) How do snowboarders introduce themselves?

    “Sorry dude”

    3) What is the difference between God and a Ski Schooler?

    God doesn’t think he’s a Ski Schooler…

    2) What’s the difference between a ski bum and a pizza pie?

    The pizza can actually feed a family of four

    1) Why do lifties only have 30 minute long breaks?

    Because if they were any longer, you’d have to re-train them.
     
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  2. Froff Life

    Froff Life A Local
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  3. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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  4. Pink

    Pink Addicted

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    What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
     
  5. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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  6. Pink

    Pink Addicted

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    Snowballs!
     
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  7. Telemark Phat

    Telemark Phat Pass the butter
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    How do you spot a ski instuctor in a bar?

    Don't worry they'll tell you.
     
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  8. Elinor

    Elinor Hard Yards
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    Yup!
    :rolleyes:
     
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  9. sbm_

    sbm_ One of Us

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    How many splitboarders does it take to set a good uphill skintrack?


    ...


    The world may never know.
     
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  10. telecrag

    telecrag Old n' Crusty
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    How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Ski instructors dont screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
     
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  11. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    [nods approvingly]
     
  12. telecrag

    telecrag Old n' Crusty
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    How many snowboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

    27

    One to do it
    Eight to say they could do it better
    and the rest to sit on the landing.
     
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  13. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What's the difference between a snowboard instructor and their student ?

    About 2 days.
     
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  14. parkmonkey

    parkmonkey Old n' Crusty
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    How do you know if snowboarders been at your party? All your CDs are missing
     
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  15. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    What's the difference between a ski school snake and a regular snake?

    The a55hole is at the back of the regular snake.


    How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb

    10 - one to hold it still and 9 to smoke enough weed that the room starts spinning


    What do you call a snowboarder in a suit?

    The defendant
     
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  16. parkmonkey

    parkmonkey Old n' Crusty
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    How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    10, 1 to screw it in and the other 9 to critique the turns
     
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  17. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    How do you find a tele skier in white out conditions?
    The smell.

    How do you know when a date with a tele skier is over? He says: “enough about me, lets talk about tele!”
     
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  18. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    That's no joke. It's common knowledge.
     
  19. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    Wow! this has snowballed. Excellent. Keep it up.
     
  20. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    what you did there...
     
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  21. W0nkey D0nkey

    W0nkey D0nkey One of Us
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    From Newschoolers.
    Ski town girls are just like good parking spaces; they're either taken or handicapped.
     
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  22. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    A skier walks into the pub and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?” The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder, the guy on your right is a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, and the guy behind you is a snowboarder.” So the skier says, “OK. I’ll tell it a little slower then.”
     
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  23. gaz35

    gaz35 Hard Yards

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    After Alberto Tomba retired from professional skiing he recounted this story to some young skiers from his home town of Bologna.

    "You know when I was on the circuit and at my peak life was pretty good. Free drinks, parties, sex, the lot". He the story of how at one stage he was dating twins - at the same time! One of the young skiers said - "geez that must have got interesting, confusing - how did you tell them apart?"

    "That was easy said the champion. Christina had really big tits and Ashley well he had a really big c&#k"
     
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  24. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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  25. KL.

    KL. One of Us

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    any non-crude jokes
     
  26. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What jokes have not been used on ski lifts for the last 20 years ?

    DJOTD
     
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  27. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What do you call an old snowman ?

    Water ;)
     
  28. TACKIE

    TACKIE One of Us
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    I got a job with the UN exhuming a mass grave of murdered snowmen. All we dug up were hundreds of carrots.
     
  29. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    How many snowboarders does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to screw it in, one to film it and 8 to say 'yeah I could do that brah'
     
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  30. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    Last week a ski lodge was robbed of $1,000.

    They took a lift ticket, a sandwich and a can of drink.
     
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  31. bawbawbel

    bawbawbel Easi Ski.....
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    Why did the kitesurfer cross the road ?
    He didn't intend to.
    (Kitesurfers are to windsurfers like snowboarders are to skiers )
     
  32. TOFF

    TOFF Im kind of a big deal
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  33. Rimey

    Rimey One of Us

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    That's a variation on the original New Zealander Defendant joke from the time before the the invention of the snowboard.
     
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  34. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    Bro this is the jokes thread.
     
  35. DbSki

    DbSki Part of the Furniture
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    This one never gets old

    [​IMG]
     
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  36. TOFF

    TOFF Im kind of a big deal
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    Having seen many years of djotd, this is hilarious
     
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