Resource A few good ski jokes

Discussion in 'Snow Talk' started by DPS Driver, Oct 12, 2018.

  1. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    7) How many telemark skiers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two. One to turn the bulb while the other says “nice turns bra!”

    6) Three snowboarders are riding in the back of a car. Who is driving?

    The police.

    5) What’s the difference between a cactus and a ski school jacket?

    With the cactus… the prick is on the outside.

    4) How do snowboarders introduce themselves?

    “Sorry dude”

    3) What is the difference between God and a Ski Schooler?

    God doesn’t think he’s a Ski Schooler…

    2) What’s the difference between a ski bum and a pizza pie?

    The pizza can actually feed a family of four

    1) Why do lifties only have 30 minute long breaks?

    Because if they were any longer, you’d have to re-train them.
     
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  2. Froff Life

    Froff Life A Local
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  3. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    Oh, my.
     
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  4. Pink

    Pink One of Us

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    What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
     
  5. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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  6. Pink

    Pink One of Us

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    Snowballs!
     
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  7. Telemark Phat

    Telemark Phat Pass the butter
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    How do you spot a ski instuctor in a bar?

    Don't worry they'll tell you.
     
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  8. Elinor

    Elinor Hard Yards
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    Yup!
    :rolleyes:
     
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  9. sbm_

    sbm_ One of Us

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    How many splitboarders does it take to set a good uphill skintrack?


    ...


    The world may never know.
     
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  10. telecrag

    telecrag Old n' Crusty
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    How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Ski instructors dont screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
     
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  11. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    [nods approvingly]
     
  12. telecrag

    telecrag Old n' Crusty
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    How many snowboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?

    27

    One to do it
    Eight to say they could do it better
    and the rest to sit on the landing.
     
  13. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What's the difference between a snowboard instructor and their student ?

    About 2 days.
     
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  14. parkmonkey

    parkmonkey Old n' Crusty
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    How do you know if snowboarders been at your party? All your CDs are missing
     
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  15. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    What's the difference between a ski school snake and a regular snake?

    The a55hole is at the back of the regular snake.


    How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb

    10 - one to hold it still and 9 to smoke enough weed that the room starts spinning


    What do you call a snowboarder in a suit?

    The defendant
     
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  16. parkmonkey

    parkmonkey Old n' Crusty
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    How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    10, 1 to screw it in and the other 9 to critique the turns
     
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  17. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    How do you find a tele skier in white out conditions?
    The smell.

    How do you know when a date with a tele skier is over? He says: “enough about me, lets talk about tele!”
     
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  18. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    That's no joke. It's common knowledge.
     
  19. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    Wow! this has snowballed. Excellent. Keep it up.
     
  20. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    what you did there...
     
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  21. W0nkey D0nkey

    W0nkey D0nkey One of Us
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    From Newschoolers.
    Ski town girls are just like good parking spaces; they're either taken or handicapped.
     
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  22. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    A skier walks into the pub and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?” The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder, the guy on your right is a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, and the guy behind you is a snowboarder.” So the skier says, “OK. I’ll tell it a little slower then.”
     
  23. gaz35

    gaz35 Addicted

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    After Alberto Tomba retired from professional skiing he recounted this story to some young skiers from his home town of Bologna.

    "You know when I was on the circuit and at my peak life was pretty good. Free drinks, parties, sex, the lot". He the story of how at one stage he was dating twins - at the same time! One of the young skiers said - "geez that must have got interesting, confusing - how did you tell them apart?"

    "That was easy said the champion. Christina had really big tits and Ashley well he had a really big c&#k"
     
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  24. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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  25. KL.

    KL. One of Us

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    any non-crude jokes
     
  26. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What jokes have not been used on ski lifts for the last 20 years ?

    DJOTD
     
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  27. DidSurfNowSki

    DidSurfNowSki One of them
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    What do you call an old snowman ?

    Water ;)
     
  28. TACKIE

    TACKIE One of Us
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    I got a job with the UN exhuming a mass grave of murdered snowmen. All we dug up were hundreds of carrots.
     
  29. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    How many snowboarders does it take to change a light bulb?

    One to screw it in, one to film it and 8 to say 'yeah I could do that brah'
     
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  30. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    Last week a ski lodge was robbed of $1,000.

    They took a lift ticket, a sandwich and a can of drink.
     
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  31. bawbawbel

    bawbawbel Easi Ski.....
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    Why did the kitesurfer cross the road ?
    He didn't intend to.
    (Kitesurfers are to windsurfers like snowboarders are to skiers )
     
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  32. TOFF

    TOFF Im kind of a big deal
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  33. Rimey

    Rimey One of Us

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    That's a variation on the original New Zealander Defendant joke from the time before the the invention of the snowboard.
     
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  34. CarveMan

    CarveMan Pool Room
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    Bro this is the jokes thread.
     
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  35. DbSki

    DbSki Part of the Furniture
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    This one never gets old

    [​IMG]
     
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  36. TOFF

    TOFF Im kind of a big deal
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    Having seen many years of djotd, this is hilarious
     
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  37. SkiMountaineer

    SkiMountaineer Addicted
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    Telemark is Norwegian for "Wait for me!"
     
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  38. SkiMountaineer

    SkiMountaineer Addicted
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    What does the EPIC in EPIC Pass stand for?
    Every Prick in Canberra
     
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  39. Beerman

    Beerman One of Us
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    Probably started off as being "Every Prick In Colorado"
     
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  40. Telemark Phat

    Telemark Phat Pass the butter
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    Fix the heel, fix the problem.
     
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  41. Telemark Phat

    Telemark Phat Pass the butter
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    Randonee, French for can't Telemark
     
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  42. JoeKing

    JoeKing Old n' Thrusty
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    Exacly. Fix the heel. Fixed.
     
  43. Laska Goralska

    Laska Goralska Hard Yards

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    The groomers are out overnight and one of the cats breaks down, radio call put through and a mechanic heads up the hill to meet the cat operator.

    The driver stands around waiting for a good 30 minutes in blizzard conditions while the cat mechanic fiddles around.

    Finally, the mechanic pops his head up, looks at the driver and says 'mate, it looks like you just blown a seal'.

    Driver replies 'nah, that's just frost in my beard from standing around and waiting in this ****ing blizzard'.
     
  44. SkiMountaineer

    SkiMountaineer Addicted
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    Two guys are waiting at the top of a ski slope while several women are clipping into their skis. The ladies are taking their time. Finally, all are ready to go and they take off. One immediately falls. She sprawls around collecting goggles, gloves and lipsticks which have spread themselves all over the hill and refits her skis. Three metres later she goes over again, stuffing it completely. The scenario is replayed and the third time she manages five metres before wiping out again.
    She looks back at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f*cking lessons I took last winter didn't help."
    One of the men immediately responds, "Well, that explains it, you should have taken skiing lessons instead!"
     
  45. DPS Driver

    DPS Driver One of Us

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    Possibly with the same instructor though!
     
  46. cwpski

    cwpski Hard Yards

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    Lift open on demand
     
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